When you first start homeschooling, the temptation to find the “perfect” homeschooling style that will fit your child perfectly is overwhelming. You delve into learning the difference between unschooling, deschooling, Charlotte Mansion, Waldorf, etc. You research different curriculums, look at online programs, and you start getting ads on Facebook for a billion different “homeschooling” programs. The overwhelming amount of choices you need to make puts all this pressure on you to pick just the right “one” that is going to work for you and your family.

*PAUSE* Take a deep breath.

I can feel the anxiety that wells up just talking about all the different options out there. I mean we are talking about your child's future here. You don’t want to mess this up. They are counting on you! But let me tell you a secret I’ve discovered being a homeschooling coach and a second generation homeschool mama. The curriculum and style of homeschooling you choose matter less than you think. What’s more important is how you show up as a parent and build a strong connection with your child.

When we are in a strong relationship with our child, forcing something that doesn’t work won’t show up in our parenting. A common way I see this showing up is in trying to force a specific homeschooling style that doesn’t work for your child. If your child fights you on a strict routine and needs more freedom to do the things they enjoy, it’s important to be willing to be flexible and change to what they need. An example of this is someone we are going to call “Wendy”. Wendy has set up a full schedule of doing school in the morning, working out in the afternoon, and then ballet all late afternoon. Wendy started to notice that her daughter started acting out at the gym, being goofy, and running around. To Wendy, it felt like her daughter wasn’t listening to her. After talking with her daughter outside of the situation she discovered that her daughter felt like she didn’t have enough time to just relax and be herself. So Wendy ended up adjusting their weekly schedule to allow more downtime, and her daughter immediately started being more respectful at the gym.

One question I hear over and over again in homeschooling support groups is the question “Is it okay if I change the curriculum we are using in the middle of the school year?” I would like to officially give you the permission to change your curriculum and homeschool program as often as you feel necessary to find the one that works best for your child and you. Being in good relationships with your child means you are aware when what you are doing isn’t working. Being willing to change it up and try something new is part of the process, and means you are in attunement with your child. You are the parent and you know your child better than anyone else. Here is the truth we all know, children aren’t the same, and education shouldn’t be one size fits all. Flexibility and open communication will be key to knowing when it’s time to make changes.

With the day and age we live in, we are blessed with the internet which gives us access to so much information about the world, but more importantly to child development and brain science. Thanks to science we understand that the brain develops in stages, and depending on what stage of development your child is in will affect what they are capable of doing. Also, brains can be in a stage of development that doesn’t fit their physical age, being aware of this can allow us to be understanding when a child doesn’t grasp concepts at the age that we think they should. Learning isn’t a linear line that goes from one concept to the next, but rather a big collection of clusters of learning that happen when they are ready for it. Another aspect to consider is what attention span your child is capable of holding.

According to childhood development experts, children's average attention spans by age are:

2 years old: 4–6 minutes

3 years old: 6–8 minutes

4 years old: 8–12 minutes

5–6 years old: 12–18 minutes

7–8 years old: 16–24 minutes

9–10 years old: 20–30 minutes

11–12 years old: 25–35 minutes

13–15 years old: 30–40 minutes

16 years old+: 32–50+ minutes

With this in mind, it's important to make allowances for this in your homeschooling.

Furthermore, brain science has taught us how fundamental play is to a child's development. In a society that values productivity, play so often as minimized. But the results are devastating to our society. We have a mental health crisis in our public schools - in even young children! Play teaches so many skills that set a child up for success: Problem-solving, social skills, collaboration, imagination, and confidence in their abilities! These skills are going to help them in every aspect of their lives. We should not be minimizing the importance of play in our children's lives. The beautiful thing about homeschooling is that we get to create time for play. Put it in its proper place of importance within our children's childhood.

The final area in how our parenting makes a bigger impact than our homeschooling style is how we look at behaviors. Our society has a bad habit of looking at behavior as who our child is, and something we need to “fix” about our children. But when we are in good connection with our children, we recognize that behavior is a communication of a need. A need that needs to be filled. Our job as parents is to look below the behavior and see the need. Help them learn how to communicate their needs, and how to get their needs filled. The biggest area this helps with is when a child has resistance to learning. It’s an opportunity to get curious about what is going on in their inner world. To understand what they need, and help them fill that need. Children don’t choose to be bad, they want to be in a good relationship with their parents. It’s wired into their biology to need a good relationship with their parents. It’s crucial to their survival. They know instinctively that you will protect them. So when they have a behavior, it’s not about you, it’s about them, and what they need.

Whew! You've taken a deep breath, absorbed a ton of information, and maybe even feel a little overwhelmed. That's completely normal! But remember, the most important takeaway isn't about finding the perfect curriculum or style. It's about building a strong, connected relationship with your child.

Here's why this connection matters most:

Stronger Communication: A connected child feels comfortable expressing their needs and preferences. This open communication allows you to tailor your homeschooling approach to their unique learning style.

Reduced Resistance: When your child feels heard and understood, they're more likely to cooperate and engage in learning activities.

A Love of Learning: A positive relationship fosters a love of learning that goes beyond textbooks and worksheets. Curiosity and exploration become natural extensions of your bond.

So, how can you build this essential connection?

Ready to Dive Deeper?

My Parent Coaching Program delves deeper into fostering a strong parent-child relationship. We'll explore communication strategies, address common challenges, and discover ways to create a joyful and fulfilling homeschooling experience for you and your child.

Join my program today and unlock the power of connection in your homeschooling journey!

P.S. Don't forget the power of community! Join my free Facebook group to connect with other homeschooling parents, share experiences, and learn from each other.